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bizpro

Old Skipper - still on duty!

  • »bizpro« ist männlich
  • »bizpro« wurde gesperrt
  • »bizpro« ist der Autor dieses Themas

Beiträge: 1 841

Dabei seit: 25. August 2005

Wohnort: Langley, BC, Kanada

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1

Mittwoch, 20. September 2006, 18:51

Pun, where did the old thread go?

In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:


  • On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
  • On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
  • On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
  • On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
  • On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
  • In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
  • On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
  • In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.
  • On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
  • On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
  • On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)
  • On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)
  • On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)
  • On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
  • On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
  • On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)
  • On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.)
  • On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)
  • On an American Airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)
  • On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
  • On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
  • On some frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
  • On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD.
  • On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
  • On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
  • On Nightly sleep aid: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (Duh!)
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new
Wer niemals einen Fehler gemacht hat, hat noch nie etwas neues probiert Albert Einstein

bizpro

Old Skipper - still on duty!

  • »bizpro« ist männlich
  • »bizpro« wurde gesperrt
  • »bizpro« ist der Autor dieses Themas

Beiträge: 1 841

Dabei seit: 25. August 2005

Wohnort: Langley, BC, Kanada

  • Private Nachricht senden

2

Donnerstag, 14. Dezember 2006, 09:39

No Flaming please

Here's a conversation between two outstanding US politicians :170:
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new
Wer niemals einen Fehler gemacht hat, hat noch nie etwas neues probiert Albert Einstein

Dieser Beitrag wurde bereits 1 mal editiert, zuletzt von »bizpro« (14. Dezember 2006, 09:41)